


to christmas! (the drinking song).

by pyroallerdyce



Series: a dyad in the force (aka all my ben/rey fics) [171]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Apologies, Christmas, Christmas Party, Conversations, December writing challenge, F/M, Forgiveness, Friendship, Getting Back Together, Inspired by Music, Kissing, Male-Female Friendship, Post-Break Up, Prompt Fic, Prompt Fill, Relationship(s), Short One Shot, Tumblr Prompt, Whiskey & Scotch, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000, past relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:27:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28177620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyroallerdyce/pseuds/pyroallerdyce
Summary: Ben hated Christmas parties.  He’d turned down two the first week of December, and then three the second week.  It did not matter who was throwing the party.  The response was going to be that he was busy and couldn’t go.But then he got an invitation to Poe and Zorii’s Christmas party.He had no choice but to go.or:  Ben doesn't want to go to a Christmas party, but then he has to go to Poe and Zorii's.  While he's there, he sees Rey, and he would really rather throw himself off the balcony than listen to anything she has to say.  He ends up hearing it anyway.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: a dyad in the force (aka all my ben/rey fics) [171]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1601755
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25
Collections: December Writing Challenge - 2020





	to christmas! (the drinking song).

**Author's Note:**

> December writing challenge day 19. this one is the closest I'm getting to sad in this challenge. I swear it. 
> 
> and as always, if you like what you read and you want to read more, please let me know via a comment or kudos or bookmark so that I know I'm not writing into a void. Enjoy!
> 
> December 19 Prompt: “It’s the season to get drunk and be merry.” (brian-maybe-not on Tumblr)  
> Title Song: To Christmas! (The Drinking Song) by Straight No Chaser

Ben hated Christmas parties. He’d turned down two the first week of December, and then three the second week. It did not matter who was throwing the party. The response was going to be that he was busy and couldn’t go.

But then he got an invitation to Poe and Zorii’s Christmas party.

He had no choice but to go. Zorii would cut off his balls if he didn’t. 

So he RSVP’d and said he’d be there, found some stupid gift at Walgreens that would work for the White Elephant thing she’d been so insistent that he take part in when he’d told her that he wasn’t going to, and decided he’d spend the party getting drunk. Poe and Zorii would let him crash on their sofa like he always did. He was sure of it.

He wrapped the White Elephant gift, grabbed a bottle of whiskey because he knew that Zorii would kill him if he drank the bottle they had, and then headed to the party. When he got there, he tried his best to avoid his friends seeing him. He set his gift under the tree because that’s where everyone else was putting them, spent a little bit of time saying hello to other people he knew, and then headed to the table where all the drinks were. 

Ben rolled his eyes when he saw that there was a bowl of punch. Why Zorii thought people weren’t going to drink was beyond him.

“Solo,” came her voice, and he turned around to find her walking towards him in a sexy Santa Claus outfit. 

“You look ridiculous,” Ben said when she came up to him. “Santa Claus isn’t sexy.”

“I’m Mrs. Claus, idiot, and Mrs. Claus can be sexy.” Zorii smacked him on the shoulder. “You are not going to just stand here and get drunk. I will not allow it.”

“I am a grown man, Zorii. I can stand here and get drunk if I want to.”

“Well, don’t get so drunk that you can’t get home because I am not letting you sleep on our sofa tonight,” she said seriously. “Get that idea out of your head right now.”

Ben stared at her in disbelief. “What? This is what happens at these parties of yours, Zorii. I show up when I don’t want to, I get drunk, and I crash on your sofa. What about tonight is different?”

“It just is,” Zorii said as she heard someone call out her name. “You’re not staying here tonight. Don’t get too drunk.”

She walked away before Ben could say another word, and Ben turned back to the table as he shook his head. What the fuck was Zorii’s problem? He’d talk to Poe about it and get permission to stay from him. 

Well, when he felt like talking to people, which would probably be about half a bottle of whiskey from then.

He cracked open the bottle that he’d brought, found a glass, and then began to drink. He made sure to stand at the side of the table so others could walk up to it and get their own drinks. Polite small talk was had whenever someone he knew came over, but then that person would leave and Ben would be in peace again. And that was all he really wanted. To be left in peace.

And then a woman walked up to the table that Ben never wanted to see again.

Fuck.

“Hello, Ben,” she said, and dammit, that accent still got to him.

“Rey,” he said, knocking back the rest of his glass quickly and reaching to pour another. 

They both stood there in silence for a long time before Rey took a deep breath. “Why are you just standing over here at this table? You should be enjoying the party.”

“Because it’s the season to get drunk and be merry,” Ben replied, knocking back the new glassful he’d gotten. “But fuck being merry. I don’t enjoy anything anymore, thanks to you.”

Rey swallowed hard. “I deserve that.”

“You deserve worse.”

“I deserve that too,” Rey murmured. “I would really like a chance to explain things and apologize.”

Ben closed his eyes for a moment before setting his glass down and grabbing the bottle. “Apologizing is futile so don’t waste your breath.”

He walked away before Rey could say another word, and he looked around to find a place to be alone. He eventually ended up on Poe and Zorii’s balcony, not giving a damn about the fact that it was below freezing and his coat was still inside. He took a long pull from the bottle of whiskey and collapsed into one of the chairs. 

Apologize. 

Rey wanted to apologize.

Fuck her. Fuck her so much.

Didn’t she understand that there was no amount of apologizing that could ever make up for what she’d done? She had been it, the thing that Ben had searched for his entire life. The one person that had finally made him whole.

And when he’d asked her to marry him, she’d told him that she was moving back to London instead.

In fact, why was she even in New York City? Why did Poe and Zorii think that inviting her to the party was a good idea? There was absolutely nothing good that could possibly come from Rey being around Ben, and they had to have known it.

And then it clicked why Zorii wouldn’t let him sleep on their sofa. 

Rey already was.

Fuck Poe and Zorii too. Why the fuck were his best friend and his fiancée doing this to him?

The door to the balcony opened a few minutes later and Zorii stepped out onto it, Ben’s coat in her hands. “Here,” she said, holding it out to him. “Put this on before you get hypothermia.”

Ben sighed and stood up, reaching for the coat and putting it on. Once it was on, he picked up the bottle and took another long pull from it. “You’re a fucking bitch,” he said without thinking. 

“I am not a bitch,” Zorii said, reaching up and slapping him. “Apologize for that right now.”

Ben sighed and reached up, rubbing at his cheek as what he said hit him. “No, you aren’t. I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted,” Zorii said. “And speaking of apologies, you’re fucking going to hear Rey’s.”

“Absolutely not,” Ben said, shaking his head. “I never want to hear her name again, let alone listen to some bullshit apology that she can’t possibly mean.”

“Benjamin Solo, you are listening to what she has to say,” Zorii said forcefully. “You are listening or I will fucking kill you.”

Ben got a good look at the fire in Zorii’s eyes before sighing. “Fine, I’ll listen to her. But I am going to hate you for weeks over this. I hope you know that.”

“No, you’re really not,” Zorii said, walking towards the door. “She’ll be out here in a minute.”

Ben turned his attention to the view as Zorii went back inside, taking pull after pull from the bottle. Fuck, how he didn’t want to do this. He was just starting to get to a point where he wasn’t thinking about her every hour of the day. It had taken him nearly a year and a half to reach that point.

But now Zorii was demanding that he destroy all the progress he’d made.

Before he could go further down that line of thought, the door to the balcony opened again. He didn’t turn and look. He just took another drink. 

Fuck, he was going to hate the pain this brought.

Rey walked over to him, but Ben kept his gaze trained on the view in front of him. Looking at her was just going to make things worse. 

“It’s a beautiful view,” Rey finally said, and Ben took another drink.

“Yes, it is,” he answered.

“Zorii told me that the store is going well,” Rey tried. “She said something about a new cupcake that I’d really like.”

Ben thought about the cupcake recipe that he’d perfected while trying to ingest all the chocolate he could after Rey left him. “Yeah,” he said noncommittally. “You probably would.”

“Ben,” Rey said, “can you please look at me?”

“No,” Ben said seriously. “I am trying to limit the damage you’re about to do. Looking at you will make things worse.”

Rey’s shoulders dropped slightly. “Ben, I am so sorry. I am beyond sorry, actually. Sorry is such an inadequate word for what I feel. But since no other word exists, sorry is what I must go with.”

“Sorry for what exactly?” Ben found himself saying with a clipped tone. “For breaking my heart? For ensuring that I’ll spend forever alone? For being the biggest bitch that I have ever met in my life? What exactly are you apologizing for, Rey? Because quite frankly, I don’t want to hear any of it. You’ve already ruined my life. Don’t inflict any more pain on me, please.”

Rey was quiet for a minute. “I deserve that,” she finally breathed out. “Even the bitch part, which I would normally slap a man over.”

“Just leave me alone,” Ben pleaded. “Please.”

“I have to say this to you,” Rey said firmly. “I need you to know why I did what I did. I will understand if I don’t gain your forgiveness. I don’t deserve it. But I need you to understand why I left.”

Ben took a very long drink. “Fuck off and leave me alone. I don’t want to hear a fucking thing that you want to say.”

Rey ignored him. “I was terrified. I went from being adamant that I was going to be alone to meeting you and realizing that I’d had no idea what the world could be like. And then you were there in front of me, on one knee with a ring in your hand, and I absolutely fucking panicked. You wanted to give me the world and I was scared out of my fucking mind because of it. That wasn’t supposed to happen, Ben. You weren’t supposed to happen. You weren’t supposed to want me around forever. No one ever had before and no one ever should. 

“I should have talked to you. I should have told you that I was motherfucking terrified about how you made me feel and what our future could be. But I didn’t. I just told you that I was going back to England even though I had no plans to do so. I had to scramble to figure all of that out, all the while wanting more than anything to run back to you and tell you I’d made a horrible mistake in saying that to you. In doing that to you. But I also knew that you would probably never forgive me, so I just got on that plane to London and was prepared to never look back.

“But you never left my thoughts. You never left my mind. My love for you never went away. And it won’t. I’m going to love you until the day I die. But I’m also going to die with this self-inflicted pain that comes from knowing that I hurt you so badly. You deserve so much better than me, Ben. You deserve someone who can love you without being terrified of the fact that they do. I’m a horrible, awful person who does nothing but hurt those that she loves. And you’re right. I’m the biggest bitch on the planet. I deserve to be called that. 

“I couldn’t handle being in London again, so I’ve moved back here. I’ve only been back for a couple of days, and Poe and Zorii are graciously letting me sleep on their sofa until I get a place to live, but I’m back. And we’re going to see a lot of each other because my friends are also your friends, and so I am hoping that we can at least be cordial with each other. I know there is no way to get back what we had before. There. That’s what I wanted to say.”

Ben’s eyes were closed while he listened to what Rey had to say. And they remained closed as he took a pull from the bottle that was so long that he broke it only so he could breathe. He stood there silently as he processed everything that Rey had said.

She was scared. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t love him. It wasn’t that she wanted to hurt him. It wasn’t that she was nothing more than a bitch.

She was simply scared.

Ben had been scared too. Convinced that he’d always be alone, meeting Rey had been a blessing he never thought he’d experience. But fuck, was he scared when he decided to propose. It took a long time for him to talk himself into getting the ring. And then he’d had the ring for nearly three months before he worked up the nerve to propose.

But Rey had been scared, and lack of communication had left Ben utterly destroyed.

“You should have told me you were scared,” he eventually said. “I would have understood.”

“I don’t see how that is possible.”

“I was scared out of my fucking mind, Rey,” Ben stated. “You have no idea how long it took me to actually propose to you. I was so scared of the fact that I wanted to marry you. I was supposed to be alone, you know. No one could ever love strange, weird, awkward me.”

“Yes, someone can,” Rey said, unable to resist the urge to tuck Ben’s hair behind his ear like she always used to. “You deserve all the love in the world. And I wish I could have given that to you. I should have said something but I didn’t, and I’ll pay the price for that for the rest of my life.”

Ben stood there for a few moments, took another long pull off the bottle, and finally turned to Rey.

Fuck it.

“Talk to me, okay?” he said, and Rey gave him a confused look.

“What?”

“From now on, you’ve got to talk to me,” Ben said again. “That’s the only way this is going to work.”

Rey blinked. “Work?”

“We can’t just jump back to where we were before. We’ll have to work back up there.”

“Ben,” Rey breathed out. “What?”

“I don’t think you understand how fucking much I love you still,” Ben said strongly. “I’m pretty sure I love you more now than I did then. And so, fuck it. Maybe you’ll destroy me again, but fuck, Rey, I need you far too much to not give this a second chance.”

“Ben, five minutes ago you didn’t even want to talk to me.”

“Five minutes ago I thought you telling me you were going to London was some calculated move meant to tear me apart,” he responded. “But it wasn’t. You were just scared. You weren’t a bitch. And so I’m sorry for ever calling you one. You didn’t deserve that.”

Rey just stood there so Ben stepped closer to her, sliding his arms around her waist. “I missed you, baby,” he murmured. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” Rey said, smiling. “You’re being serious?

“I’m being serious,” Ben confirmed. “And I’m going to kiss you now.”

Rey nodded and then Ben’s lips were on hers, and they both felt more emotions flow through them than they had ever felt before. Reunited. They were reunited.

Nothing had ever felt better.

When they broke apart, Ben looked at her with a smile. “This is probably a horribly stupid idea, but I want to go home and I want you to come with me.”

Rey laughed. “You’re right, it’s a horribly stupid idea. And I love it. Let’s go.”

When they went inside, Zorii was waiting for them, and she just gave Ben a knowing look. “Make sure he gets home alright, Rey. Ben is entirely too drunk to do that on his own.”

“Fuck off, Zorii,” Ben exclaimed. “I’m fine!”

“Don’t worry,” Rey said, plucking the bottle from Ben’s hand. “Do you mind keeping this here? We can’t exactly ride the train with an open bottle like that.”

“Of course,” Zorii said, grinning at them. “And I’m so glad to have you two back. Like, so, so unbelievably glad.”

“Not entirely back,” Ben said, looking over at Rey. “But I think we’ll get there.”

Rey looked at Ben and grinned back. “Yeah, I think we will.”

“Then get out of here,” Zorii said, laughing. “Get all the makeup sex out of the way and then come over for dinner tomorrow night.”

Ben just shook his head. “Zorii, you’re an asshole.”

“Better than a bitch,” Zorii replied. “And I told you that you needed to come to this party, Solo. This is an example of why you should always listen to me.”

Zorii turned and started walking away, so Ben called after her. “Fuck your parties! I hate them!” 

Rey laughed. “How about we leave then?”

“I think that’s a great idea,” Ben said, taking Rey by the hand. “I can’t wait for you to see the new apartment.”

Rey squeezed Ben’s hand. “How many rooms are we going to christen then?”

Ben grinned. “As many as you want.”

“Hm, I’ll have to think about that then.”

As they walked out of the apartment, Ben thought about how he hated going to Christmas parties. 

But if he was going to get presents like this, maybe he should go to them more often.


End file.
